@GoldenSpirals Watching drunk twins fight.
The similarities are staggering, and striking.
@GoldenSpirals @GoldenSpirals You pulled out in front of me.
Now you’re going slow.
I don’t like my car.
I will win this one.
@GoldenSpirals I’m at my sexiest when I try to run in flip flops in the rain.
@GoldenSpirals Growing up,
I knew my Mom meant business when she started yelling words I didn’t know existed.
@GoldenSpirals I’ve had 3 new bosses at work in the last 6 months.
I wonder when they’re going to bring me in for questioning.
I should move the bodies.
@GoldenSpirals Cooking directions: Stir constantly until it comes to a boil.
Me: Orders takeout.
@GoldenSpirals *Beats guy over the head with celery.*
Stalking is hard.
@GoldenSpirals “STOP COPYING ME!”
I yell, as my car spins out of control.
@GoldenSpirals Humans will not be fully evolved until everyone achieves the ability to maintain a constant speed while driving.
@GoldenSpirals My new washing machine plays a tune very similar to an ice cream truck when it’s finished.
There’s no ice cream in there. I checked. Twice.