@GrowlyGrego My 5yo is a pretty good drawer but there’s only so many t-shirts you can fit into a tiny person.
@GrowlyGrego @GrowlyGrego [spelling bee]
Your word is “spider”
Can you use it in a sentence?
“A spider has eight eyes.”
[kid smiles]
Spider. S-P-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-I-D-E-R
@GrowlyGrego Apostrophes are important.
“I fed the dog”
“I f’ed the dog”
Learn this simple rule. Your friendship with Sarah McLachlan depends on it.
@GrowlyGrego I have an extensive library of over 2,000 classic, important books just in case you have a question about the first 54 pages of one of them.
@GrowlyGrego It’s not an octopus. It’s a water spider. And yes, so called “marine biologist”, if you live in the ocean you swallow 8 of them every year.
@GrowlyGrego *knocks on door*
You’re too fat.
“Wha–”
You’re way too dumb.
“Wait–who..”
Hi, I’m Roy. I sell insecurity systems. You’re too poor for one.
@GrowlyGrego Next time during church, stand up and ask your pastor “Have you ever turned down heroin?” Both Yes and No are equally entertaining answers.
@GrowlyGrego “I…I don’t know, doc. I guess I’m just tired of being pushed around all the time.”
-Revolving Doors
@GrowlyGrego “Bear with me for a minute.”
– Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
@GrowlyGrego Hypothetically, when is the right time to tell your divorce attorney that you’ve never been married and you love spending time with him?