Apparently “make it to retirement” is not an appropriate answer for what your work goals are
The extreme amount of stress I feel when crawling into my sleeping child’s room to leave tooth fairy money proves I could never make it as a spy
A comprehensive list of the times I will willingly and happily go for a run:
The problem with hiding snacks from my kid is that when I forget they end up being hidden from me too
How do you even keep up with current trends if you don’t have a teenager in your life to ridicule your choices?
In the mornings lately I find evidence of carrots or celery in my daughter’s bed from her late night snacking and I’ve never been more concerned that she might not be mine
My daughter has started a fun new game where she tries to guess my age with random numbers like 72 or 94. So fun.
I went on my daughter’s movie field trip with her class so of course I snuck in snacks and she snitched on me to her teacher then had the audacity to ask me to share
My daughter asked me if you have to get married when you’re older and when I told her no she said “good that looks like too much work”
People always say reading romance novels will ruin dating for you like it’s a bad thing
Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy”
It was my daughter’s turn to pick the movie the other night and I was not prepared for her to choose a yeti documentary
The true crime urge to leave clear fingerprints everywhere you go, just in case
Every single time I mow my lawn my neighbor starts mowing his within ten minutes. Do I have a rival dad? Is this war?
A restaurant specifically for people in their thirties and over with flattering lighting, tums for appetizers and complimentary advil with every drink order