We have moved and we are trying this thing of living with minimal furniture. So if you need me I am leaning against the bathtub so that I can put on some pants furniturelessly.
I was supposed to be taller, but I made it up with width for the sake of Geometry.
My kid, “mumma, what is ‘u’ doing in the spelling of a building?”.
Welcome to parenting, “your kid bangs his head while sneezing and it is somehow your fault.”
Is Mark short for something like Markathon?
Them: what is dumbest thing you have done?
Me: you mean like today?
Can’t, looking for my glasses in the dark while wearing them.
Dear water parks, what stops you from building an escalator to the swim slide?
I am just a girl, standing in front of the laundry, hoping it will wash itself.
Me *laying on my couch, flipping through health magazines*, “bet these workouts are a piece of cake.”
“You use your birthdate as your password?!?! Was ‘1234’ taken?” – me, as a spy.
[Deletes duplicate memes on my phone]
“Weigh me now”.
My kid’s school asked them to get a family relic for school “show and tell”. He asked what’s a relic and they said ancient things. So he asked me to give him anything I had from my childhood.
People say ‘bullshit’ like their shit is so high and mighty.
Me: Evil always thinks it’s doing right
My boss: I am just asking you to put your air-pods away for the meeting!!!