@SvnSxty

I’m a multitasker, for example I can be a couch potato and a baked potato at the same time

@SvnSxty

Jesus: the bread is my body

Judas: *cutting carbs* I see

@SvnSxty

some people wear bees as beards you say? well that seems pretty foolish to me because I have had only one bee on my face and it is terrifying

@SvnSxty

Me: *opens fridge*

Dog: you gonna finish that

@SvnSxty

I don’t trust people with glasses, they could be superman

@SvnSxty

Detective: *into the earpiece* just act natural

Me: this tape is itchy

Drug Dealer: what

Me: what

@SvnSxty

driving is absolutely insane. I’m gonna hop in this metal box and roll around so fast that hitting literally anything might kill me

@SvnSxty

Glen, the spatula: *giggling* ok ok shhhh watch this

Me: *trying to open the drawer* what the-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ* dammit-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ*

The other Utensils: *going nuts* GLEN! GLEN! GLEN! GLEN!

@SvnSxty

Jesus needed to sleep in a cave for 3 days and he didn’t even have kids

@SvnSxty

Superman: online shopping again? money won’t buy you happiness Bruce

Batman: *ordering kryptonite* we’ll see