
I’m a multitasker, for example I can be a couch potato and a baked potato at the same time
I’m a multitasker, for example I can be a couch potato and a baked potato at the same time
Jesus: the bread is my body
Judas: *cutting carbs* I see
some people wear bees as beards you say? well that seems pretty foolish to me because I have had only one bee on my face and it is terrifying
Me: *opens fridge*
Dog: you gonna finish that
I don’t trust people with glasses, they could be superman
Detective: *into the earpiece* just act natural
Me: this tape is itchy
Drug Dealer: what
Me: what
driving is absolutely insane. I’m gonna hop in this metal box and roll around so fast that hitting literally anything might kill me
Glen, the spatula: *giggling* ok ok shhhh watch this
Me: *trying to open the drawer* what the-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ* dammit-*ᴄʜᴜɴᴋ*
The other Utensils: *going nuts* GLEN! GLEN! GLEN! GLEN!
Jesus needed to sleep in a cave for 3 days and he didn’t even have kids
Superman: online shopping again? money won’t buy you happiness Bruce
Batman: *ordering kryptonite* we’ll see