@SvnSxty my kid learned what money was today at 9 am and by noon he was ready to stab me over 27 cents
@SvnSxty @SvnSxty Wile E Coyote: I like my dinner on the run if you know what I mean
*pulls up to the Taco Bell window*
@SvnSxty Sesame Street: this is an educational show
Me: oh yeah? what type of bird is that
Sesame Street: *flustered* a big one
@SvnSxty I’m so white when I eat sushi they just bring me a fork they don’t even ask
@SvnSxty John Lennon: imagine all the people
Me: ew
@SvnSxty I’m not sure what my wife thinks I do in the bathroom, but I appreciate all her support
@SvnSxty I’m a multitasker, for example I can be a couch potato and a baked potato at the same time
@SvnSxty Jesus: the bread is my body
Judas: *cutting carbs* I see
@SvnSxty some people wear bees as beards you say? well that seems pretty foolish to me because I have had only one bee on my face and it is terrifying
@SvnSxty Me: *opens fridge*
Dog: you gonna finish that