@ThisLocalHater Describing the weird dream I had over the Walmart intercom until the police are called
@ThisLocalHater @ThisLocalHater Pronouncing baked like naked and naked like baked until someone hits me with a folding chair
@ThisLocalHater Doctors HATE this weight loss secret! (Photo of a woodchipper)
@ThisLocalHater If you see me at the bottom of a lake, mind your business. I’m relaxing.
@ThisLocalHater Me, being chased by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks: Are you guys mad at me?
@ThisLocalHater Just ate a Pop-Tart off of a real plate like some kind of goddamn oil magnate
@ThisLocalHater Is Ham short for Hamuel or Hamantha?
@ThisLocalHater I have the eyebrows of a much more unstable woman
@ThisLocalHater I’ll be giving free lobotomies behind Denny’s until 9pm to everyone who wants one and doesn’t want one
@ThisLocalHater A grilled cheese sandwich has never sent mixed signals, just saying