@ThisLocalHater

Describing the weird dream I had over the Walmart intercom until the police are called

@ThisLocalHater

Pronouncing baked like naked and naked like baked until someone hits me with a folding chair

@ThisLocalHater

If you see me at the bottom of a lake, mind your business. I’m relaxing.

@ThisLocalHater

Me, being chased by an angry mob with torches and pitchforks: Are you guys mad at me?

@ThisLocalHater

Just ate a Pop-Tart off of a real plate like some kind of goddamn oil magnate

@ThisLocalHater

I’ll be giving free lobotomies behind Denny’s until 9pm to everyone who wants one and doesn’t want one