@WetMascara Do I speak Spanish?
Oui!
@WetMascara @WetMascara Monkeypox is sexually transmitted, making me absolutely immune.
@WetMascara Had a dream I went to the chiropractor in a shirt that showed some of my back.
Chiropractor: Do you think you have a fungus on your back?
Me: Do YOU think I have a fungus on my back? YOU’RE looking at it.
@WetMascara Mayonnaise has been getting a lot of hate, but if you don’t shake up a squeeze bottle of mustard well enough, it will pee on your sandwich.
@WetMascara No more dating apps, just gonna sit on my front porch and yell at people.
Not to get dates, because people need yelling at.
@WetMascara 2022 Jesus turns water into gasoline.
@WetMascara Sat behind two cars at a four-way stop for 5 minutes before I realized I had accidentally joined a goddamn school pick up line.
@WetMascara I’m watching a show about a cold case in a place called Townsville, and I’m furious the stupid cops have not asked the Powerpuff Girls for assistance. It’s incompetence is what it is.
@WetMascara Today I met people who had twin 6 month old babies, and they would not even let me have the one that really liked me. Selfish.
@WetMascara I hate when someone throws shade at me, and then I have to drag out my axe and chop down the whole tree and let it fall on them.
Timber, dipshit.