@XennDad

My son went out, put his hands on his hips, and started saying how great my lawn mowing job looked and this is how dads get high

@XennDad

we got a new bathroom accessory and now the toilet is amazed when I pee

@XennDad

who called it a chinese finger trap and not a digit fidget widget?

@XennDad

passion fruit: i had a wild date last night, what did you do?

jackfruit: oh nothing

@XennDad

my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car

@XennDad

my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car

@XennDad

Website: are you a robot?

Cyborg: *sweating activated*

@XennDad

My kid turned me down for a goodnight hug and kiss but did offer me a nice handshake, so I’m glad we can sustain a professional relationship