@XennDad My son went out, put his hands on his hips, and started saying how great my lawn mowing job looked and this is how dads get high
@XennDad @XennDad we got a new bathroom accessory and now the toilet is amazed when I pee
@XennDad who called it a chinese finger trap and not a digit fidget widget?
@XennDad passion fruit: i had a wild date last night, what did you do?
jackfruit: oh nothing
@XennDad my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car
@XennDad my child dressed himself up as a police car. no not a police officer, a police car
@XennDad Website: are you a robot?
Cyborg: *sweating activated*
@XennDad My kid turned me down for a goodnight hug and kiss but did offer me a nice handshake, so I’m glad we can sustain a professional relationship