@bossy_bootz I had a stalker once but he saw me eating soup
@bossy_bootz 
@bossy_bootz Red light : Stop
Yellow light : Proceed w/ caution
Green light : Wait till everyone hates you then go
@bossy_bootz Of course I can handle constructive criticism
*resents you for the next 50 yrs
@bossy_bootz Guys are always ‘just kidding’ unless you say yes
@bossy_bootz How to get ready for things :
1. Procrastinate for 5 hours
2. Panic 10 min before leaving
@bossy_bootz Sorry if my tweets aren’t good enough for you, person who retweets Cher
@bossy_bootz I notice you only call when you want something
Person calling: ma’am your bill is 90 days past due
@bossy_bootz Everyone’s an atheist until they’re making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
@bossy_bootz 3 things you never get back :
A word after it’s said
Time after it’s passed
Your pen if I really like it
@bossy_bootz *leaves the kids w/ a new babysitter
*calls to check on the sitter