
I had a stalker once but he saw me eating soup
I had a stalker once but he saw me eating soup
Red light : Stop
Yellow light : Proceed w/ caution
Green light : Wait till everyone hates you then go
Of course I can handle constructive criticism
*resents you for the next 50 yrs
Guys are always ‘just kidding’ unless you say yes
How to get ready for things :
1. Procrastinate for 5 hours
2. Panic 10 min before leaving
Sorry if my tweets aren’t good enough for you, person who retweets Cher
I notice you only call when you want something
Person calling: ma’am your bill is 90 days past due
Everyone’s an atheist until they’re making a phone call & praying it goes to voicemail
3 things you never get back :
A word after it’s said
Time after it’s passed
Your pen if I really like it
*leaves the kids w/ a new babysitter
*calls to check on the sitter