This store brand ice cream tastes like someone tried chocolate once, then spent years drunkenly trying to recreate it in a lab
My 5yo told me he’s carrying coins in his pocket in case he runs into any guys he has to pay, and now I have questions
Moved the bed for the first time in years and found 47 hair ties, a toy steak, and the lost city of atlantis
Do I have to wear real clothes?
-my kid on the last day of school
My kid just announced that when he’s a grown up he’s going to go to the ice cream shop every day, and now I want to be a grown up too
Found a potato way under my kid’s bed and I’m not even surprised, just relieved it’s not that old of a potato
*packing suitcases*
kid 1: stuffed animals, toy cellphone in side pocket
kid 2: stick
When my kids ask me anything before coffee
Someone asked us to sign a petition in favor of backyard chickens and now my kids have a new idea for a pet
Please help, my kid keeps threatening to teach me chess
You know I’m something of a chef myself
Thought a guy on a bicycle was doing a fist pump so I almost did one back until I realized he was just really enthusiastic about turning right
My 5yo is insisting weasels aren’t real and that I’m the one who told him that, and I did not know I was going to have defend myself like this before coffee
I just like to keep my options open
-me, setting six alarms on my phone
My kid is practicing his ninja moves, but he’s doing them right on the front lawn where everyone can see, so he might need more training