@gbergan

Wheel of Fortune contestants in Canada should get to buy more vowels.

@gbergan

The 90s were wild. Scientists actually “cloned a sheep” as if we could tell sheep apart in the first place.

@gbergan

You can’t break me, kid. My generation survived dial-up AOL and texting on a flip phone.

@gbergan

Used ACME paint on an accent wall and now there’s a highway running through my living room.

@gbergan

I was led to believe my middle ages would involve more jousts.

@gbergan

Every time someone in a movie is being stalked, it’s like they can’t even hear the suspenseful music.

@gbergan

The spouse with the most blanket in the morning is the undercover boss.

@gbergan

Do-it-yourself home remodeling usually starts in the kitchen and ends in the depths of Hell.

@gbergan

A woman just pulled out her checkbook to pay for groceries and even the cultured butter dropped an f-bomb.

@gbergan

Stuck behind a guy with 13 items in the express lane and my avocados have already gone bad.