I found the felon who is responsible for your lost socks. Already convicted of other crimes. It’s the fitted sheet. You’re welcome
The moment you throw a piece of boiling spaghetti on your wall, to see if it sticks,
is the moment you realise, random spaghetti boiling advice is radommnly valid
”Oh no! NO! Oh my god!” but wife finds out that her husband has a secret ”almost dirty” sock drawer
My sweet granny could remember tunes but not lyrics ,so I used to happily fall asleep with ”Hush now baby don’t you shout, I’ll open the window, and throw you out” . Don’t judge
Child: Mum!
Dad: Oh come on it’s not that bad
Child: MUUUM!
Dad: (You little prick) Hey hun..
-So YOU’RE the mother of this girl called..(checks notes) ..Riding Hood?
-Yes! Something happened to my beloved ch..
– Are you kidding me? You’re under arrest
”Wear your good flip flops ” isn’t something I thought I would ever say, but here we are
Everything is about balance. A sombrero with strawberries on the one side and melons on the other, can and will cause you certain problems, I know this now
Nights in white satin, but it’s me falling off the bed again
(Couples therapy)
-Listen to me, buying matching bagels isn’t going to help
-Stop expecting someone else to fix you, fix yourself
(me talking to the pile of clothes on my bed)
-You’re gonna love our date at that place where treasures may be hidden
-Wait..will it be romantic?
-..
-I told you 100 times, you can’t trick me into going to the garbage dump again
I mistakenly opened a bag of chips and now I have to eat them, so yes, there is such a thing as a fun problem
No matter how many candles you burn, you can’t bake bread. Follow me, for more wisdom
Oh, you’re a rock fan? Name 3 rocks