Him: You can’t give the cat treats right after he tripped me on the stairs. He’ll think it’s a reward.
Me: It is.
I’ve spent 8 hours cleaning my house!! Keep in mind that this is over a period of 25 years, but still.
I would like to give a big shout out to the one person in my life who doesn’t accuse me of being insane. So, thank you, to the little old lady who lives in my hair.
I found a YouTube video demonstrating a 5 minute speed clean. It was 25 minutes long.
I dream of writing a fat woman’s cookbook. I’ll call it, “50 Shades of Gravy.”
I have interests besides avoiding housework. In fact, I have a long list of things I’m interested in avoiding.
I’m really happy because my pill bottle says, Do not iron while taking this medication.
We don’t have any popcorn, so I’m just eating butter and salt.
The check engine light came on inside my oven.
I tried a little beginner’s yoga earlier. The ambulance should be here any minute.
Why can’t my kids understand that I’m just not into parenting right now.
My husband said we should have one date night each month. I said, “Great! I’ll take Johnny Depp. Who do you want?”
Cats throw up a lot, so when choosing your pet’s food, I recommend something that matches the carpet.
#caturday
I saw this anti-aging cream that promises to give you, “A neck that can turn heads”. If you’re so old that your neck can’t turn your head, you’re going to need more than a cream.
We got our cats a water fountain. Now they stand around it holding little paper cups and gossiping about us.