They say that over time pets will start to resemble their owners and I didn’t believe it until I found my cat fast asleep in front of his food bowl
There are four golden girls and four teenage mutant ninja turtles but ask yourself, why have we never seen them all together in the same place?
I’m like a siren of the sea, except I lure my victims by smelling like garlic bread
This kid is going places
Rambo Rambow
I can’t lose weight, that’s where all my fattitude is
I heard a girl telling people that when you cook French toast, you’re supposed toast the bread first and we can’t just be letting people go around spreading this kind of hateful misinformation
When I was young I really thought that people in their 40s were old and now that I’m in my 40s I can say that I was right
So, hey, the restraining order just expired, wanted you to know
I am woman, watch me fit 94 bottles of shampoo and 15 different body washes on my shower ledge
Don’t tell me what to do
I’d really like for my friends to host an intervention for me, there’s nothing wrong or anything, I just think it would be cool to see everyone
Is it just me or does this cat look like someone’s grandpa
The dark side of Canada
I’d like to wish a very happy 5th birthday to the jar of salsa in my fridge