@kryzazzy

Don’t tell me what to do

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@SteveKoehler22

Blonde in laundromat asks to have
a sweater cleaned.

Attendant : “Come again ?”
( not hearing )

Blonde: “Nope, Just mustard this time”

@1followernodad

If I had gone to Rydell High, I would have walked right up to Rizzo and asked, “Rizzo? Is that short for Chorizzo?”

@ricsem

Computer dating is fine… if you are a computer.

@

Friend: Did you already eat or do you want to get some food?

Me: Correct.

@ninjadinosaur1

There is no law stating that you have to explain why you’re carrying a purse full of hair when going through security.

@AnOrangeSNES

[A field]

*An elderly Louie Pasteur and I sit among the clover, I hold a shotgun*
Me: It’s time to put you out to pasture. *Cocks shotgun*

@mdob11

Hi, you’ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?