*Does one sit-up. Whispers to self.
“That’ll do pig. That’ll do.”
Alright white people, had to Google “totes” to find out what the hell it meant. I know one of you came up with it. Cut that shit out.
Sometimes when people talk to me, I scream and beat my chest. It not only establishes dominance, but tells them to go away.
A kiss begins with K. But it’s also just a text from someone who doesn’t want to have a conversation with you.
St. Patrick’s Day is the day we all watch Ghost and Dirty Dancing in honor of Patrick Swayze.
Whenever I’m on a flight and a bald person sits next to me, it takes a ton of willpower not to draw on their head when they are sleep.
At this wedding, the DJ played The Black Eyed Peas, everyone left the dance floor. I like these people.
My neighbors are arguing. So I threw 6 shoes in the dryer. They haven’t said a word since.
Unless you’re a direct descendent of a horse, don’t chew with your mouth open.
Always remember the first move in every fight…punch to the balls.
Always carry a newspaper or magazine so you appear to be preoccupied. – stalker handbook page 2 paragraph 3
Parallel parking reality show. Get on that.
Can’t trust anyone that refuses to admit
They are wrong.
Sidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies.
Ok I just started watching House M.D.:
1 Does everyone gang up and beat House’s other leg?
2 does a rival Token come in to challenge Omar?
I don’t hate anyone. I just don’t like people.