Hey Mommy can you spend an hour building this intricate race track only for me to tell you I don’t want to play with it after all?
-every kid ever
My kids at 7am: What’s for breakfast? Can I play Xbox? What are we doing today? What’s blue plus blue make?
Me:
And the award for the best actor goes to my 5yo for his role in “I can’t push this bike back it’s too heavy”
I got mom shamed for giving my kid a chicken nugget like there are way worse things I do to my kids I promise you they won’t be telling their therapist about the chicken nuggets
“I was being bad last year and I STILL got presents from Santa Claus.”
-My 4yo completely embracing the Dark Side
“I call it orange soda cause it’s orange and soda”
-My 4yo inventing orange soda
Me: Why do you have that I thought I threw it away. Where did you get it?
4: I taked it out of the trash can.
Me: *eye twitches*
Moms don’t go on vacation, we just cook and clean in a different house for a week.
Me: Honey if you ever murder me please do it in a cool way so we get our own Dateline special
Husband: Deal
I had to have a conversation with 4 about how not every older lady is his grandmother and he should stop yelling ITS GRANDMA at every old lady we see
4: “Can I say fuh?”
Me: “Don’t…”
4: “Can I say king?!”
Me: “NoooOOOOOOO!”
Just so you know if you have a ‘jump to recipe’ link at the top of your food blog I hope you have a nice day and may all your hopes and dreams come true.
Professor X: What’s your superpower?
Me: I turn positives into negatives.
Confessor X: Oh.
My husband just said the words every woman loves to hear, “Let’s order pizza tonight.”