I went upstairs to grab my charger I brushed my hair, picked up some dirty clothes, changed my sons diaper, put on deodorant, came back downstairs, vacuumed the entire first floor & picked up some toys. I just sat down to plug in my phone & realized I never grabbed the charger.
Me carrying the weight of being the funniest person in my whole family
Can’t I have to change my underwear cause I blew my nose too hard
If you eat a whole taco before your family gets to the table they won’t know you started without them
Me: Why did you need to buy a dehumidifier can’t you just put out humidifier in reverse?
Husband: *eye twitches*
4: Mommy hear me count to 10,000
My kid upon learning his actual name is Charles and not Charlie
They should change the name from all you can eat pancake breakfast to 4 or 5 pancakes at most
My 5yo son at a cookout, “Where are the scrambled eggs?”
“It’s early and the sun is coming up. I wanted to wake you up and tell you that.”
-My 5yo writing himself out of the will
Him: Do that thing I hate
Me: Tries to answer his hypothetical questions
Me: God grant me the serenity.
God: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over your screaming kids.
Hey Mommy can you spend an hour building this intricate race track only for me to tell you I don’t want to play with it after all?
-every kid ever
My kids at 7am: What’s for breakfast? Can I play Xbox? What are we doing today? What’s blue plus blue make?
And the award for the best actor goes to my 5yo for his role in “I can’t push this bike back it’s too heavy”
I got mom shamed for giving my kid a chicken nugget like there are way worse things I do to my kids I promise you they won’t be telling their therapist about the chicken nuggets
“I was being bad last year and I STILL got presents from Santa Claus.”
-My 4yo completely embracing the Dark Side
“I call it orange soda cause it’s orange and soda”
-My 4yo inventing orange soda
Me: Why do you have that I thought I threw it away. Where did you get it?
4: I taked it out of the trash can.
Me: *eye twitches*
Moms don’t go on vacation, we just cook and clean in a different house for a week.