I went upstairs to grab my charger I brushed my hair, picked up some dirty clothes, changed my sons diaper, put on deodorant, came back downstairs, vacuumed the entire first floor & picked up some toys. I just sat down to plug in my phone & realized I never grabbed the charger.
Me carrying the weight of being the funniest person in my whole family
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Can’t I have to change my underwear cause I blew my nose too hard
If you eat a whole taco before your family gets to the table they won’t know you started without them
Me: Why did you need to buy a dehumidifier can’t you just put out humidifier in reverse?
Husband: *eye twitches*
4: Mommy hear me count to 10,000
Me:
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My kid upon learning his actual name is Charles and not Charlie
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They should change the name from all you can eat pancake breakfast to 4 or 5 pancakes at most
My 5yo son at a cookout, “Where are the scrambled eggs?”
“It’s early and the sun is coming up. I wanted to wake you up and tell you that.”
-My 5yo writing himself out of the will
Him: Do that thing I hate
Me: Tries to answer his hypothetical questions
Me: God grant me the serenity.
God: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over your screaming kids.
Hey Mommy can you spend an hour building this intricate race track only for me to tell you I don’t want to play with it after all?
-every kid ever
My kids at 7am: What’s for breakfast? Can I play Xbox? What are we doing today? What’s blue plus blue make?
Me:
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And the award for the best actor goes to my 5yo for his role in “I can’t push this bike back it’s too heavy”
I got mom shamed for giving my kid a chicken nugget like there are way worse things I do to my kids I promise you they won’t be telling their therapist about the chicken nuggets
“I was being bad last year and I STILL got presents from Santa Claus.”
-My 4yo completely embracing the Dark Side
“I call it orange soda cause it’s orange and soda”
-My 4yo inventing orange soda
Me: Why do you have that I thought I threw it away. Where did you get it?
4: I taked it out of the trash can.
Me: *eye twitches*
Moms don’t go on vacation, we just cook and clean in a different house for a week.