My kids never meet a drink he couldn’t spill
2: Mommy!!
Me: Yes?
2: NOOOOOOOOO!
I made the mistake of smelling one of my 6yo’s socks to see if it was dirty. I will now just assume all socks are dirty.
I went upstairs to grab my charger I brushed my hair, picked up some dirty clothes, changed my sons diaper, put on deodorant, came back downstairs, vacuumed the entire first floor & picked up some toys. I just sat down to plug in my phone & realized I never grabbed the charger.
Me carrying the weight of being the funniest person in my whole family
Can’t I have to change my underwear cause I blew my nose too hard
If you eat a whole taco before your family gets to the table they won’t know you started without them
Me: Why did you need to buy a dehumidifier can’t you just put out humidifier in reverse?
Husband: *eye twitches*
4: Mommy hear me count to 10,000
Me:
My kid upon learning his actual name is Charles and not Charlie
They should change the name from all you can eat pancake breakfast to 4 or 5 pancakes at most
My 5yo son at a cookout, “Where are the scrambled eggs?”
“It’s early and the sun is coming up. I wanted to wake you up and tell you that.”
-My 5yo writing himself out of the will
Him: Do that thing I hate
Me: Tries to answer his hypothetical questions
Me: God grant me the serenity.
God: What was that? I couldn’t hear you over your screaming kids.