Don’t crossbreed an owl with a duck,
The offspring is naught but a schmuck,
You might start overjoyed,
But you’ll soon be annoyed,
By all the incessant wise quacks.
My wife complained I never buy her flowers. She should look at her prices, there’s a much more competitively priced florist just up the road
I had my leg X-rayed today.
The doctor said: ‘Your patella measures 2.54cm’.
I said: ‘Inch-high knees?’
He said: ‘您的髌骨是2.54厘米高.’
Meatloaf was so named because of his incredible likeness to his father, Meatlo.
Security Guard: Can I see your ID card?
Me: *flashes card quickly*
SG: Show me your card again.
Me: Bit weird, but OK… *flashes cardigan*
-Someone keeps phoning up pretending to be my grandmother. It’s a prank, I don’t know what else to call it.
-Don’t you start.
‘Hello Microsoft support, what’s the nature of the problem?’
‘Oh hello again Mr Connery. Spreadsheet issues?’
-I’ve got a phobia of coincidences.
I saw a statue of Cinderella today. I didn’t like it, but I found the plinth charming.
Me: *returns from bakery with a bap, bagel, bun & cob*
Wife: What are these?
Me: The synonym rolls you asked for.