@reallifemommy3

If you call the coffee mugs by your bed “a collection”, you never have to take them to the sink

@reallifemommy3

I told my husband that our toddler won’t eat tomatoes and he asked why not, as if toddlers are normal human beings

@reallifemommy3

Trains should still have a caboose, if you stop to watch it go by you should be rewarded with a good ending

@reallifemommy3

The person who figures out how to marry someone without marrying their family too, will win the Nobel Peace Prize

@reallifemommy3

In a house with 1,000 bathrooms your kid will only be willing to use the one you’re in, there is nothing you can do to prevent this

@reallifemommy3

3: I know what’s keeping me awake

Me: What?

3: The air

Me: Oh good, I was worried it was something I wouldn’t be able to fix

@reallifemommy3

I’ll never judge another mom’s house, unless of course she has little kids and it’s spotless

@reallifemommy3

I don’t know what this is or why this is but it is and what I want is for it to be elsewhere

-Me about my kid’s toys

@reallifemommy3

Apologies to my husband for the things I muttered about him when I thought he’d finished my chocolate