
I’m not wrong
I’m not wrong
If you call the coffee mugs by your bed “a collection”, you never have to take them to the sink
I told my husband that our toddler won’t eat tomatoes and he asked why not, as if toddlers are normal human beings
Trains should still have a caboose, if you stop to watch it go by you should be rewarded with a good ending
The person who figures out how to marry someone without marrying their family too, will win the Nobel Peace Prize
In a house with 1,000 bathrooms your kid will only be willing to use the one you’re in, there is nothing you can do to prevent this
3: I know what’s keeping me awake
Me: What?
3: The air
Me: Oh good, I was worried it was something I wouldn’t be able to fix
I’ll never judge another mom’s house, unless of course she has little kids and it’s spotless
I don’t know what this is or why this is but it is and what I want is for it to be elsewhere
-Me about my kid’s toys
Apologies to my husband for the things I muttered about him when I thought he’d finished my chocolate