Guys that have a hard time meeting girls, have you tried painting some wings on the side of a building and waiting for them to come take pictures?
My daughter just asked me how to spell bourbon so she’s either asking Santa to hook up her old man or writing a letter to child services.
Took our kids to a restaurant again because we never learn our lesson.
Nothing sneaks up on you quite like the age where people give you a bird feeder as a gift.
I just want to be as hot as a grandparent’s living room at Christmas.
I’ve been trying to cancel a print job since November.
Pretty excited about making a huge Thanksgiving feast so my daughter can eat a roll.
One tricky thing about kids crying is trying to determine if they broke a crayon or got their arm stuck in a piece of farming equipment.
Wow, my kids are decorating the heck out of this small lower left section of our Christmas tree.
I never understood how the little drummer boy’s parents could just send him outside alone at night to play his drum until my daughter brought a recorder home from school.
We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun to not be able to open that drawer.
Sometimes you just have to throw away a few sheets of perfectly good printer paper so it can hide all the candy wrappers in your trash can.
The most unrealistic part of cooking shows is when they have enough room in their fridge to fit an entire baking sheet.
Call your dad now and ask him what the wifi password is so he has time to find the little paper it’s written on before Thanksgiving.
Apparently it’s “against church policy” to drop your kids off in the nursery and then go to brunch.