You had me at “she’s the one,” but lost me at “officer.”
Standing outside your window holding a rotisserie chicken above my head.
If you’re looking for a good time, I’m a blast when I’m alone.
Transition lenses that keep getting darker the longer someone is talking to you.
A spray bottle for people who stand too close in line.
A great way to end small talk is by saying “you’re not real, you’re not real.”
Some people are like a ray of spray tan.
Sorry I’m late, I was untangling my AirPods.
Establish dominance by jumping into a cake.
Sorry I dropped you during the trust fall, I was going through your phone.
When I put my mind to something I can procrastinate about anything.
Sorry I disappeared for 3 years. I was putting my jeans on.
Back in the day, we didn’t have google just a drunk uncle.
Never make a promise you can’t reschedule.
I wasn’t planning on going for a run, but I had scissors.