@treydayway

You have a better chance of being struck by lightning than going to McDonald’s when the ice cream or shake machine is working

@treydayway

It’s getting disrespectful how long it takes for me to scroll to my birth year

@treydayway

I sure didn’t win the genetic lottery. I can eat healthy and diet for 6 months and lose 10 lbs. I eat like shit for 3 and a quarter days and gain 73

@treydayway

Babies get so disrespectful when they don’t want their pacifier

@treydayway

I have a drawer in my kitchen full of sauces that are patiently waiting for the big day that I use them

@treydayway

My favorite part about sci-fi movies is when all aliens and people from other worlds only speak English

@treydayway

I’m from a generation that wouldn’t dare tell an adult that we were bored.

@treydayway

The Bible would be more believable if Adam was tempted by a slice of pizza instead.