On HGTV they can flip a house in a month and I’ve been “getting ready to vacuum” for the past two weeks.
Actually, your email does not find me well. I had to talk on the phone twice today, my bananas ripened too quickly and I found a fork in the spoon section of the drawer.
My life is spiraling out of control.
Friends: Get married. Have kids. Get a promotion. Travel the world.
Me: Still standing in the grocery store trying to get open a plastic produce bag.
The way I act when I have to line my wheel up at the car wash you would think I’m trying to land a 747 on a tightrope.
I can’t remember why I walked into this room, but if you need to know the phone number of my best friend from fourth grade, I’m your gal.
1. Get in hammock.
3. Try and get out of hammock.
5. Don’t fight it and just accept that this is where you live now.
I like to do laundry in stages. For example, right now I’m in denial that I should be doing laundry.
The only way an adult coloring book could help calm my stress is if it was somehow edible.
Guess who went all day without dropping food on her shirt?
Not me, but I’m sure somebody somewhere did.
The cashier told me to have a good New Year like my purchase of oven cleaner and frozen pizza suggests anything else.