me: I should go to sleep
my brain: I should worry about a disease you might have.
my heart: everyone is mad at you.
my refrigerator: YA’LL SHUT UP CUZ I’M MAKIN’ ICE CUBES!
all the apology videos are terrible because the people capable of writing a good apology are on strike.
just got an 8 min standing ovation for not asking any questions during a movie.
careful fellas!
when you text a girl, you also text like 7 of her other friends.
If you don’t have at least 1 white friend named “Matt”, then you are Matt.
did the people you had a crush on always like you back or are you funny?
HBO
HBO GO
HBO NOW
HBO MAX
HBO RAGNAROK
HBO TOKYO DRIFT
MAX
Sure breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing you so you can start using it again?
hair coloring options for women:
out of a box = $12.99
going to a hair salon = $7,000
HBO decided to rename themselves “Max” instead of so many other solid guy names like “Kevin” or “Brian”.
Cinderella is my favorite story of a guy who couldn’t remember what the love of his life looked like.
HBO login: password must contain at least 8 characters, a number, an emoji, your college roommate’s maiden name, and a hieroglyph.
ATM: just any 4 numbers.
tell your crush that you love them before
Pete Davidson will.
imagine if we could only post our deleted selfies in our dating app profiles. lol omg we’d all die alone.
The rule for washing jeans is once every financial quarter.