Holy shit, there are some disgusting perverts on here… but enough about me.
Them: How long can you hold your breath?
Me: 20 years, apparently.
Me: Not today, Satan.
Her: Mom, stop calling me that.
Every time I see someone use cause in place of because I’m tempted to ask what cause they are referring to… clean air? a cure for cancer?
Be specific with your causes, people.
If I ever ask you to hold a baby, you better ask whose baby I have because I’m clearly high and stole a baby.
You can’t claim to like bad girls and then get mad when I rob you.
What’s the protocol for objecting at a wedding that you’re a plus one at?
I chose trial by fire, witch wasn’t my best idea.
I saw my dog eat yellow snow this weekend… and I’d still take her advice before yours.
Some of us just had a bee in our shirt and we weren’t actually KungFu fighting.