@Goofpoops Life hack :
Receive a wide assortment of yellow, orange, pink and red envelopes, free of charge, simply by not paying your bills.
@Goofpoops @Goofpoops If Kevin Spacey doesn’t sign his name like this
Kevin E
Then he’s pretty damn stupid…
@Goofpoops “Pasta la veista, baby”
-Arnold Schwarzenoodles
@Goofpoops I like my coffee like I like my women.
Not banging my friends.
@Goofpoops Cop cars aren’t very intimidating. Add a crazy plow covered in blood, an anarchy symbol and spinning saw blades and I’ll stop in a heartbeat
@Goofpoops In case you were wondering, Taco Bell offers free wi-fi.
Don’t bother asking for the password, because it’s totally “Cornhole Explosion”.
@Goofpoops Watching movies with kids:
If he/she hasn’t seen it, eons and billions of questions.
If he/she has seen it, eons and billions of spoilers.
@Goofpoops “You do realize, that’s completely idiotic, and makes no sense at all…Right?”
-People who are told how tennis is scored for the first time
@Goofpoops Women and electronics aren’t very similar until they both freak out on you for throwing water on them while they’re in “sleep mode”.
@Goofpoops Tricks I can do with a skateboard
•look at it
•smell it
•rub the top
•fall off it if I stand on it
•spin the wheels with my fingers
•sell it