Me: I’m heading off now.
Things I’ve learned in life
1. Never tickle a stranger at a bar or at the urinal.
That’s it. Just don’t tickle people you don’t know
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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is, you don’t talk about, mention, speak of, discuss, chin wag, natter or chat about Thesaurus Club.
My son got very excited about all the toys he found when I cleaned behind the couch, I should have waited till Christmas morning to do that
OUR KID WAS SOAKING WET WHEN YOU BROUGHT HIM HOME FROM SCHOOL!
Me: [water pouring from backseat] Listen, this car pool thing was your idea
I just found out that there’s a dating site for people with mullets and the people who love them. Lol! *looks over shoulder* *signs up*
Doc: “Your arm is broken. I’ll put you in a cast for a while and it’ll recover.”
Me: “Ok, but I don’t get how being in a movie will help.”
No one is more shocked that I brought my cat to a baseball game than my cat.
Tried a new flavor from my favorite brand of energy drinks.
It was the 2nd grossest taste I’ve ever had in my mouth.
(No offense, Andrea.)
freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door