Idea: flamethrower but instead of fire it shoots hungry mosquitos out at my enemies.
Me: Just a woman looking for a connection in this thermal nuclear apocalypse.
Me: Not you.
I don’t think my car can fly
Women in romance books: I know I just met him 3 days ago but I am in love with him.
Me: We’ve been dating for 8 years and I guess I like you.
While I totally believe ghosts exist, I seriously hope they don’t because I don’t want to go to the afterlife and meet someone that is like “oh when I was a ghost I watched you practice fake eating for an hour.”
Just parrot things
Him: Can you please stop using the bananas like they are phones
Me: But how am I supposed to contact the gorillas
Him: You’re unbelievable!
Gorilla *over banana*: When are you leaving him?