@GroovyTasia

Idea: flamethrower but instead of fire it shoots hungry mosquitos out at my enemies.

@GroovyTasia

Me: Just a woman looking for a connection in this thermal nuclear apocalypse.

Guy: Hey-

Me: Not you.

@GroovyTasia

Women in romance books: I know I just met him 3 days ago but I am in love with him.

Me: We’ve been dating for 8 years and I guess I like you.

@GroovyTasia

While I totally believe ghosts exist, I seriously hope they don’t because I don’t want to go to the afterlife and meet someone that is like “oh when I was a ghost I watched you practice fake eating for an hour.”

@GroovyTasia

Him: Can you please stop using the bananas like they are phones

Me: But how am I supposed to contact the gorillas

Him: You’re unbelievable!

Gorilla *over banana*: When are you leaving him?