I don’t think my car can fly

You Might Also Like


Bae: come over.
Me: I’m doing the podcast.
Bae: come over.
Me: nah, I’m doin the podcast.
Bae: my parents are out.
Me: they can download it.


Me (to 7): Son, we…
Wife (in earpiece): have to talk
M: Have to talk
W: about girls
M: About grills


Why aren’t these people with Ebola doing the ice bucket challenge? Don’t they want to get better?


My wife will fix her hair before she puts on a seat belt in the car because if she dies, she WILL LOOK GOOD dammit.


supermarketes become so much more terrifying if you find a product with the word ‘instant’ and replaec it with ‘sudden’


When a zoo animal dies they always call it “beloved” or a “crowd favorite” like there’s some animal named “Jimmy the zebra everyone hates”


So much gross product placement in THE SHINING. It’s like, fine, I’ll buy an axe.