@HushJared

dating a tall girl is cool until you make her mad at a picnic and she steps to the other side of the river

@HushJared

What’s good for the Michigoose is good for the Michigander

@HushJared

Boss: Did you get my email?

Me: Yes. It had italics, all-caps, and highlighting and I had no idea how to prioritize that information.

@HushJared

“I’ve got a couple of ideas I wanna run by you this afternoon,” my coworker threatened

@HushJared

All I’m asking is, has anybody heard from Captain Planet since David Attenborough arrived on the scene?

@HushJared

Most adults have thirty-two teeth but you can have as many as you like if your pockets are big enough

@HushJared

i bring a card table with me where I go for thanksgiving in case the host’s furniture is too heavy to flip

@HushJared

Her: What are you thinking about right now?

Me: If I was an eel I’d have a little fish that lived in my mouth and I’d never need to floss

@HushJared

Windbreakers only want one thing and it’s dis-gusting