Just used the phrase “my good coat hanger”, if you’re wondering if I have a Swiss Bank Account.
People in my office act like they’ve never seen someone in formal working pajamas before.
*calls bullshit
Bullshit: Who gave you my number.
“Where you going, we’re in the middle of a conversation.”
OMG! This is just the middle.
Annnnnd that’s how the fight started.
For cardio, I drive before the windshield is defrosted.
Sure boss, I’d love to take on some extra work, I have like 7-8 free hours a night where all I do is sleep anyway.
The family you’ve pictured in your mind, is never the one that shows up at the BBQ.
It wouldn’t kill this religion to throw a virgin in a volcano every now & then.
Anyway, thats why they removed the suggestion box from Mass
Ok guys, if anyone asks about what happened to this gallon of ice cream, I was mugged by a family of 8.
I hate when you go to a surprise party, and all anyone wants to do is talk about your drug problem.
Ok 1st off, who exactly is “we” in “we have to go on a diet”, and more importantly, why is there salad on the plate where my food should be.
Drugs CAN make your life
miserable but if you wanna
leave no room for error,
try a Marriage Certificate.
She texted me, “I love U”
So I texted. “I love U2….
Not their new stuff but from like the
90’s”Now my CD’s are missing.
Weird!
*jumps on a haystack
*lands on a needle
Hey dad, the hospital called, patients
are trying to rest, could you please turn
down your television.