“have you heard about the Nu covid variant”
“no, what’s it called?”
“the Nu variant”
“yeah what’s it called”
“no, it’s literally spelled N U, Nu”
“haha wow, who named it that?”
If we weren’t able to stop Bieber Fever I seriously doubt America can stop an Ebola epidemic.
This Independence Day please remember that fireworks are not a toy, they are meant to be aimed at the nearest British ship.
I choose which country to root for in the Olympics by what cuisine I’m hungry for at the moment. Go Italy! #gnocchi2014
“Poor” is an odd word because when you put it in front of “people” it’s sad but when you put it in front of “bladder control” it’s hilarious
It’s Cyber Monday, sooo…. what are you wearing?
Butt weight. There’s more!
Kids: Always remember to brush your drugs and don’t do teeth.
If you commit a crime be sure to wear running clothes, so if you need to flee the scene cops will just think “Look at that healthy jogger”
Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he’s obviously not good at it.