Starve a cold. Feed a fever. Humiliate a rash. Flatter a migraine. Friendzone diarrhea. Date cramps. Bring anxiety home to meet the family.
“Well well well if it isn’t the guy I’m stalking.”
“Get out of my hamper.”
One day ISIS is going to screw up and accidentally hit ‘add your location’ to a tweet.
This Dollar Store thesaurus sure is coming in…
Hello? I’d like to rent one bouncey house, please. How many will be using it? Just one. Her age? Uh. Four……..ty-seven.
I’m the most bashful person in the world, until you get me on the dance floor. Then I become the most bashful newborn giraffe in the world.
No matter how many times he was killed by their products, Wile E Coyote remained loyal to the ACME brand. You’ve gotta respect that.
I would not advise turning your frown upside down. The surgery is extremely painful and not covered by most insurance.
My husband said he bought the toupée for me, but then got upset when I put it on. I dont get men.
Born on February 29th of a leap year, I can’t legally drink till I’m 84.