@Tobi_Is_Fab

4-year-old trying pop rocks:

I think there’s some people having a birthday in my mouth

@Tobi_Is_Fab

Me: I had a meeting with your teachers. They had a lot of good things to say about you, including that you’re super, super smart.

6-year-old: Wait, wait, go back. How many supers?

@Tobi_Is_Fab

Nobody:

My husband: That’s it. I’m going to bring back jean shorts.

@Tobi_Is_Fab

Bad news: I squirted ketchup all the way up my sleeve in a public place.

Good news: You can’t really see it because my sleeve is red.

Bad news again: I smell strongly of ketchup.

@Tobi_Is_Fab

I’m waiting in the school parking lot and a grandpa picking up twin preschool girls just yelled at one of them, “GET YOUR HAND OUT OF YOUR PANTS,” and some other little boy in the parking lot jumped like he’d been caught. It’s chaos out there.

@Tobi_Is_Fab

in the mood to pterodactyl scream at anyone who steps into a 3 foot radius of my body unless they’ve got a bowl of mashed potatoes to offer me

@Tobi_Is_Fab

lying here thinking of the time i was about to compliment a lady at the gas pumps on her shiny black scarf and then i realized she worked there and just had new trash bags hanging around her neck as she took out the full ones

@Tobi_Is_Fab

I want my leggings so high waisted I can pull them up over my head and wear them as a hood

@Tobi_Is_Fab

we’ve all been home together for a solid week now and my 6-year-old has expressed daily outrage about how the wh- in “whole” is different than in “when” and “why” and now i’m mad about it too