I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile.
I’m jealous of how many friends the people on Intervention have.
Everyone is just looking for that special someone who could do way better but chooses not to for some inexplicable reason.
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
“I don’t care how goodlooking you are if you don’t have any brains.” -Zombies
I’m not a womanizer! They were all women when I found them!
I wanna write a tweet that is so good that I can retire and just live off the retweets for the rest of my life.
I predict that Obama’s next move is to threaten to hold his breath until Russia leaves the Crimea.
I’m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I’m your man.
I’m working on inventing an electronic Ouija board so that I can keep tweeting after I die.