@UncleDuke1969

“Daddy, are vampires real?”
“No, sweetie. Go back to bed.”

*waits until daughter is asleep*
*grabs red Sharpie*
*draws 2 dots on her neck*

@UncleDuke1969

I know I’m more literater than you because of my fancificacious vocabularianistic wordicisms.

@UncleDuke1969

Me: “I need a home improvement loan.”

Banker: “What will you be using the money for?”

Me: “A divorce lawyer.”

@UncleDuke1969

“Dayyuuuum Giiiiirrrl… Did you fall from Heaven?”

*pokes body with stick*

@UncleDuke1969

Superman: How’d you know?
Lex: Know what?
S: My secret identity!
L: Whaddya mean?
S: You called me a KENT!!
L: That’s NOT what I called you.

@UncleDuke1969

They say that blondes are dumb, but I’ve gotten a brunette to marry me too.

@UncleDuke1969

“I’m THIRSTY!”
“Can I have a drink?”
“DAAAAAAAAD!”
“I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!”

See? My son can turn water into whine, too.

Your move, God.

@UncleDuke1969

*draws a line in the sand*

*looks at the line in the sand*

*decides that it might be time to vacuum*