@UncleDuke1969 “Daddy, are vampires real?”
“No, sweetie. Go back to bed.”*waits until daughter is asleep*
*grabs red Sharpie*
*draws 2 dots on her neck*
@UncleDuke1969 I know I’m more literater than you because of my fancificacious vocabularianistic wordicisms.
@UncleDuke1969 HAPPY EARTH DAY!
Suck it, Neptune.
@UncleDuke1969 Me: “I need a home improvement loan.”
Banker: “What will you be using the money for?”
Me: “A divorce lawyer.”
@UncleDuke1969 “Dayyuuuum Giiiiirrrl… Did you fall from Heaven?”
*pokes body with stick*
@UncleDuke1969 Superman: How’d you know?
Lex: Know what?
S: My secret identity!
L: Whaddya mean?
S: You called me a KENT!!
L: That’s NOT what I called you.
@UncleDuke1969 They say that blondes are dumb, but I’ve gotten a brunette to marry me too.
@UncleDuke1969 “I’m THIRSTY!”
“Can I have a drink?”
“DAAAAAAAAD!”
“I WANT WAAAAAAAAAAAAATER!”See? My son can turn water into whine, too.
Your move, God.
@UncleDuke1969 Autocorrect is why I have crust issues.
@UncleDuke1969 *draws a line in the sand*
*looks at the line in the sand*
*decides that it might be time to vacuum*