@aveuaskew My neighbors have been calling for their cat for 15 minutes. I’ve been meowing out the window for 30.
@aveuaskew @aveuaskew Are you okay?
Yes
Did you take your cold medicine?
Umm yes
Why are you so nervous?
I never thought throw pillows would ask so many questions
@aveuaskew Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should’ve considered.
@aveuaskew “Your resume has MPGMA listed under hobbies. What exactly is that?”
Making people guess the meaning of acronyms.
@aveuaskew People fear what they don’t understand:
Change
Death
4th grade math word problems
@aveuaskew Dog:
Me:
Dog:
Me:
Dog: *spits out pill*
Me: DAMMIT!
@aveuaskew I could tell by the scowl on her face that her patience and botox were wearing thin.
@aveuaskew “You always overreact and make things dramatic. It’s really annoying.”
*raises megaphone to lips*
How so?
@aveuaskew “Why are the balloon bouquets more expensive than packaged balloons? It’s just air!”
Exactly
“What?”
It’s inflation
“I hate you”
@aveuaskew Jury duty
[Burps] Wow, excuse me.
Judge: You’re excu-STOP THAT!