@envydatropic

They say to “dress for the weather you want” so anyways I’m freezing today and metaphors are hard.

@envydatropic

How long before your caterpillars will turn into butterflies?

Me looking at your eyebrows

@envydatropic

My neighbors just got new wind chimes. Guess who is going to have their wind chimes stolen tonight?

@envydatropic

Just finished a 5k. It took me 4 days and was filled with snacks and naps but at least I finished.

@envydatropic

Have kids first so that you know whether or not you can keep a dog alive

@envydatropic

Indoor water parks full of kids in diapers for when you want to catch a case of name that bacterial infection

@envydatropic

They say diffusing essential oils can help relieve stress………THEY DON’T TELL YOU THAT YOU GET STRESSED OUT FIGURING OUT WHAT ONES!

@envydatropic

I’m not saying he ate the candy canes off the bottom of the Christmas tree I’m just saying my dog’s breath was minty fresh this morning.