@fuzzlime

sometimes I take the clothes off my treadmill when I run on it & sometimes I just run on top of them

@fuzzlime

oh yeah that shit is [spends 10 minutes looking for the fire emoji]

@fuzzlime

listening to jazz: do any of them know what the other ones are playing

@fuzzlime

i used to side with chief brody but now i’m team mayor because the shark’s only gonna eat 1-2 more people & he’ll be stuffed. we’ll sell soo many shark toys

@fuzzlime

cats can’t give you covid but they would if they could

@fuzzlime

It’s saturday night you know what *that* means? right, cleaning toilets

@fuzzlime

I once dated a guy only because he had a cool hidden safe behind a painting in the hallway he kept the spare toilet paper rolls in there

@fuzzlime

last time I passed out on a Saturday night was when I sprayed too much bleach cleaner on the tub & forgot to open a window

@fuzzlime

Men fantasize about me, women want to be me and children obey me!
[wakes up on bathroom rug]

@fuzzlime

running feels great unless you compare it to not running