I’ve diversified my investment portfolio by purchasing multiple properties*
*Barbie Dream House, Peppa Pig House, Gabby’s Dollhouse, Polly Pocket house
my kid climbed into the tub fully naked and still I found leaves in there after
In today’s episode of “My Kids will be the Death of Me,” we examine why the top of the stairs is the most popular place to play
“I want this one, but look at this one, oh, but this one is my FAVORITE!”-
-my kids looking through Christmas catalogs or me driving past multi-million dollar houses
The hand doctor told me that I can no longer cook, clean, or vacuum.
Which would be amazing news if I actually did any of those things.
me: you can get hurt when you don’t listen. daddy and I watched a show last night about a kid who lost his eye because he was being bad
6: what happened?!
me: well, he stole a dragon but that’s not the point
me: what’s your favorite part of fall?
4: jumping in piles of leaves
me: that’s fun. do you like anything else?
4: money
my physical therapist told me I should be using a foam roller “or a wine bottle, since I know you have one of those at home”
glass half empty: I just found an old banana in my kid’s backpack
glass half full: It’s only 6 days old
well, my kid accomplished at least one of the two reminders she gave Alexa last night
I was applying for homeowners insurance today and they asked if I had any pets to which I said, “yes, two cats.” And then they asked me “have they been trained to attack or cause bodily harm?” and I wanted to know if anyone had been able to do this because I’ll hire you
I bought a new cat tree for my cats and they are just having the best time playing in the box it came in.
me: why aren’t you eating your breakfast?
3: it smells hot
4: I wanna watch Sing 2!
hubs: you’ve watched that a thousand times.
4: not today.
I would like a mode of transportation that only allows me to travel a foot at a time with maximum effort requiring stellar balance.
*pogo stick inventor* I got you.
Reason 5,746 why parents drink- my kids are fighting over whose horse is going faster on the same merry-go-round
You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks. I had lunch yesterday”
I wish I was as consistent as the poppy seed that finds the space between my two front teeth
I’m eating the potato off my 3yr old’s French Fries because he doesn’t like potato, in case you wondered if parenting was right for you
[Element Support Group]
Fire: I’ve been having a hard time controlling my temper
Water: I’ve been welling up a bit more often too
Earth: I think we all just need to feel more grounded
Wind: Man you guys whine a lot
Surprise: Well I didn’t see that coming