There are two types of people, those who can’t keep a secret and those who can keep a secret for like five minutes
My plans for world domination will have to be put on hold while I try to open this package of batteries.
When I was a kid I vowed that when I grew up my freezer would always be filled with ice cream bars.
Meet my wife, the dream killer.
Checks for abs
Finds an M&M
Just tell me how many calories are in the entire package and save me the trouble of doing all the multiplication.
Like Grandma used to say, if it seems too good to be true buy as much of that shit as you can.
Grandma drank a lot. We miss her.
“20 McNuggets for $5? That’s like a quarter a nugget!” I exclaimed, hoping that my dinner date would be impressed with my math skills.