@timdonakowski Me: Hey, do you want to go buy some-
Wife: YES!
@timdonakowski @timdonakowski Give a man a fish, feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish in highly-contaminated water, feed him for a day.
@timdonakowski Pillow fights didn’t last as long in the Stone Age.
@timdonakowski Want proof advertising works?
I just bought a Goodyear blimp.
@timdonakowski I sleep with a squirt gun under my pillow just in case a gang of cats break in while I’m sleeping.
@timdonakowski “Scolding a cat after it does something wrong has been proven ineffective” – cats
@timdonakowski When a coworker tells everyone he proposed, I’m the guy that asks, “So, what did she say?”
I’m funny that way.
@timdonakowski Naming my daughter “A Relationship” so I don’t have to worry about punks wanting to be in her.
@timdonakowski Starting a new job today.
I’m not sure what company, but it’s wherever this lady with the giant box of donuts is going.
@timdonakowski Shout out to politicians for keeping the word “folks” alive.