@

I smiled and waved at my neighbour so I bet the first thing she’ll do today is buy bedroom curtains.

@SweatyGardener

When Kevin Bacon participates in a bake off, he instantly becomes Kevin Bacoff.

@QueenVofCoffee

Me: I need to start buying gifts for people; Christmas is coming up.

Also me: *buying myself a Burr Coffee Grinder* I’m technically people, so….

@fozzie4prez

What if I’ve been finding a new single sock in the dryer and not losing one, all along?

@Parentpains

“I’ve never had a reason to see a therapist”

– People who haven’t met me yet

@evangeline_dawn

I like how impressionistic the French language is. You only have to pronounce half of the letters then you just think about the rest.

@MamaNeedsACoke

The older you are the more you will get dead, so let’s all remember to stay alive, ok?

—my 6 year old spreading cheer at thanksgiving dinner