#SCOTUS one-star review
*walks past yoga studio*
*looks in window*
*eyes widen*Awesome. It’s like kindergarten.
*walks into class*
*unrolls mat*
*takes a nap*
ME: I can’t come in to work. My grandma died
BOSS: your grandma has died 4 times this year
ME: yeah she’s a cat
[creation]
GOD: Gather round creatures & I’ll tell you what you’ll eat
ANTEATER: I’m SO excited!
DUNG BEETLE: I got a bad feeling about this
How to fall downstairs……
Step 1
Step 6
Step 9,10,11,12
Funny how we say “I drank a *pot* of coffee” instead of “I drank fourteen cups of coffee and chased the cat around the hot tub with a sword”
*died in your arms tonight*
*stuffed in your trunk tomorrow*
*buried in the woods the day after that*
When your internet goes out and you are forced to get to know your surroundings
[spelling bee]
Your word is “pneumonia”.
“Can you use it in a sentence?”
Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints.
My parents are always pestering me to have kids. “Who will carry on the ancient family curse?” they say.
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
Thou art not as nice as this time last year.
NEWS ANCHOR: Here’s Gary with day 1 of his outdoor summer weather report.
GARY: [frying an egg on the sidewalk]
I quit. Back to you, John.
Always take one positive friend & one negative friend on road trips. Then if your battery dies, you can hook cables to them & start your car
One day I hope to be doing so well that people accuse me of being a clone