Q: What did the Square say to the Rhombus?
A: If it is not a Right Angle it is a Wrong Angle.
Whoever is stealing my socks – at least take both of them
Me: Don’t you talk to me like you are paying me for what I do
Boss: But I am paying you for what you do!
Me: What did I just say!!
My couch doubles up as a bed, a work station, a cheeto hiding place…. it’s like the other furniture isn’t even trying!
Why can’t Penguins get Christmas gifts? Cause Penguins and Santa Claus are poles apart
Me: Its so funny I keep dropping my phone
My phone: Yeah, you crack me up
My friend: I was waiting here and all was normal and then suddenly all hell broke loose
Me: So, you’ve been waiting at this bus stop since 2019?
Welcome to the middle age, there is no more a 5 second rule coz who tf can lift stuff in 5 seconds
Me to my kid: Don’t play with the fruits, don’t use swear words
Also me: drops the apples held in my hands, exclaims “oh hell”
Midnight snack: battle between how much you crave food versus how much you don’t want to brush your teeth again