Show yourself some self-love.
No. Not in public.
I’m starting a website called onlyflaps.
It’s for plane enthusiasts.
What were you thinking?
I think “Ur mom” is a sassy answer to any question.
Especially “Who gave birth to me” or “Who divorced my dad”.
What’s a demon’s favorite Hungarian food?
…am I doing this joke thing right?
I flunked out of flight attendant school.
I was told to disarm the doors, so I said they looked fabulous and were clearly going places.
Nobody said you have to like your colleagues.
But apparently there are some explicit rules about poisoning them.
Have you seen the Christmas pizza at Domino’s?
The baby cheese crust.
Which undead creature most enjoys playing hide-and-seek?
I thought “man cannot live on bread alone” was some sort of TikTok challenge.
And I think I’m winning.
A group of arsonists is called a firing squad.
Do bodybuilding exterminators have better traps?
When someone says “More on that later”, I hear “Moron that later.”
And I want to say “You’re moroning it now”.
I’m opening a Japanese restaurant for depressives.
It’s called “Miso Sad.”
I was thinking of being narsysistic.
But I can’t spell it.
So I’m going to be vein.