@SvnSxty Steve Austin: nice to meet you
Medusa: the pleasure is mine
Stone Cold Steve Austin:
@SvnSxty @SvnSxty *viking dad at a funeral*
I don’t know throw a burning stick at it or something we don’t waste arrows in this family what you think I’m made of arrows
@SvnSxty Officer: do you know why I pulled you over
Me: the warrant probably
Officer: you have a broken… what
Me: what
@SvnSxty they said marry your best friend but then got all weird when I proposed to my dog pick a lane
@SvnSxty *jogging back to the house because I forgot something*
My Fitbit: are you ok? why are you running? do I need to call 911? ARE WE BEING PERSUED
@SvnSxty listen, if your girl ever has to move home for a few weeks to save a family business whilst in the company of a charming slacker she once had a crush on in high school, you’re gonna have a bad time
@SvnSxty when someone corrects my pronunciation of a word, my brain immediately snaps to how many polite people just nodded and let me sound dumb before
@SvnSxty Me: *dressed as a dragon*
Wife: I meant SEXUAL fantasy
Me: *handing her a donkey outfit* ya
@SvnSxty like Neil Degrasse Tyson, I’ll make you question everything (specifically why you started talking to me)
@SvnSxty Me: baby, with you every friday is good friday
Wife: aw that’s sweet
Jesus: wow