Peeling onions is great because you get to cry about everything in front of your kids and blame supper.
Inside of you are 2 wolves.
One eats a grammy and the other gets domesticated.
I don’t moan during sex, I prefer to yodel.
Welcome to London, where everyone calls you madam against your will.
I’m so pale… I don’t send nudes, I send transparencies
The dress code for my wedding should have been red flags.
I don’t whisper sweet nothings.
I yodel them.
Assert dominance by bringing up religion, sex, vaccines, politics and world war 2 in the first 30 minutes at your new partner’s family Christmas lunch.
Ninja wedding vows be like “in slickness and in stealth.”
It’s all fun and games until you swallow the keys to the handcuffs.